No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
