I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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