I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
