Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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