I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
