I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize