Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
