dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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