All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
