last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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