Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
