is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
