No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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