Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Small penises have feelings too.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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