dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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