i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your cock deserves a montage
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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