A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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