Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
