Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
