just tell him i said nine months
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize