i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
