We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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