Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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