I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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