Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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