I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
