He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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