the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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