Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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