Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
