So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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