I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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