I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
