are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
