fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
