you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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