Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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