shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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