I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
