I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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