...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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