1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
