It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
