I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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