Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
