I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we're making bets on your personal life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
