All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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