did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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