I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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