He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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