I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We are all done wearing pants today
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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