they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Farmville is her only friend.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
