So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
