highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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