Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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