Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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