is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
