Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
