Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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